The impeeding audition

Ok, so in about 3 weeks, I'll be heading to Perth for my acting audition to get into WAAPA. While I have been very good at procrastinating about learning my monologues, yesterday while running through my Shakespearean one (Emilia's speech in 4.3, Othello) I found that I pretty much know the script already. But that's not what I'm worried about. No, it's really the other monologue from Alan Aycbourn's Confusions. Confusions is a script made up of 5 "interlinked one-act plays" where each play has an underlying "problem of loneliness". It is a comedic script, but in the sense that the scenarios and characters are so familiar to our everyday lives, we cannot help but laugh at the sad-ness of the whole play. This is the script I do not know. I don't know why I am putting off learning it, or improving on my Othello piece, because I really enjoy the pieces I am doing. Emilia's speech is a testimony to the culture and relationship between men and woman in the late 16th century. I enjoy it so much, not because I share the same views as her (she pretty much says that if a man cheats on his wife, then when the wife cheats, it is the husbands fault for cheating first) but because of how it would come across in today's society. In today's society it would be seen as such hypocrisy and I like hypocrisy because I believe that at some point in our lives, everyone commits once hypocritical act. The monologue from Confusions is both similar and different. Reading the entire monologue, you learn that Beryl, the character knows she will go back to her abusive boyfriend, despite knowing it's wrong. Again an act of hypocrisy, but there is also the sense of desperation for the need to connect with another human being that comes through (she does relay her story to a complete stranger after all). This sense of loneliness and desperation is such a common feeling among everyone that it is impossible for you not to relate to it. Relating to the pieces is very important as it adds another dimension to the performance. Not only are you seeing this character tell this story, but you believe this character is a real person because of how believable they are being portrayed, and credit for that goes to the performer on their performance, and everyone knows that the best performances come when you yourself can relate to the character and draw from personal experience to create a believable character. This is what Stanislavski's Method is based on.

But why have I just told you all of this? Good question. I guess I am just venting my thoughts on the subject, which is good. But it is very scary to think that I might not be ready for my audition. It makes me question how much I want this audition to go well, and my career as an actress. I really do want this a lot, but why can't I just knuckle down and get on with it? I guess I have to take it one step at a time, but now that I have a job trial tomorrow, the idea that I might have work will just throw me off track again. I need this audition to go well. I need to get into WAAPA and I need to make it as an actress. It's what I really really want. I just can't get motivated enough for it. Help.